Moons Over Miami

There will be a lot of stories about this band, again I won't mention any names. Let's just say that the leader, and lead singer, of this particular road band was the biggest "Tool" that I have EVER met, and that is saying something! For the sake of the blog I am going to call him Ken! Mostly because he had about as much personality as a Ken from the Barbie and Ken doll collection!

The band was centered around this singer (although calling him a singer is far-fetched) and we got to do several songs without Ken while he rested his "golden" pipes. One of the songs we did was titled "Shake Your Ass Off". It was a funk tune where the horn players (sax and trumpet) would be called down to the dance floor so do a solo while the band chanted "Riky shake your ass off" etc. We would then launch into a 16 bar solo (all that you were allowed because it may make people leave the dance floor). Although, for this song I never remember too many people actually being on the dance floor, because we were on it!

We were at this very posh show club in Miami Florida and we (me and the trumpet player, who was my musical brother and fellow Eastman grad) got the idea to moon the very upscale Miami audience while the band chanted the "shake your ass off" mantra.

Now this sounded like a grand plan while it was being hatched at a Denny's at 3:00AM over pancakes and bacon, but would we do it? You bet your ass we would do it! Mostly for the shock factor and mostly because we loathed Ken so much. After all it was HIS name on the marquee outside EVERY club we played. We were just the backup band. Ken WAS the STAR!!

So yes, we did it! And I must say that the audience kinda dug the whole thing. By today's standards this was pretty tame. In fact, I think we may have actually met more girls (not the type you want to take home to mom) by doing our "Moon Over Miami" routine for this song.

Did Ken like it?? That would be a big NO! Even though he was never there to see it. We only did this particular tune so that Ken could go back to his dressing room and change into another outfit for his next big "vocal" feature.

But I have to say that I "loved" the expression on Ken's face when I informed him as he was leaving the stage to change outfits, that "The moons were coming out tonight." The look of Sheer terror on his face was worth every dollar that we were later fined for this particular show stopper.

And you may also ask why Ken never fired us? Well, let's just say that we wrote all the arrangements for Ken, rehearsed the band, and made Ken look like he actually knew what he was doing. And on top of all that, we WERE a kick-ass horn section. So I guess he could forgive us once or twice in a blue moon...

As for the fines...this was the first of many that Ken would put in place because of the horn section!

Later!

rp

Do Drums Float?

Many years ago, in a land far, far away. I had a gig on a certain tourist ship that cruised a fairly large lake in New England. Now, let me say that this was one of the WORST bands and WORST gigs that I have EVER done, and I have done my fair share of "bad" gigs in my life. What is really sad is that I stuck this gig out for four long years before I "jumped ship"! And believe me there were many nights that I almost did jump ship!

The drummer on this gig was a stitch, an old timer, and really a good "hang" but his time keeping left a little to be desired. I was part of a trio-drums, organ/keyboard bass, and yours truly! The organist also had a drum sequencer that she liked to use along with the drummer. I had the lovely task of setting up between the two while trying to decide which time keeper to go with-the "real" drummer or the drum sequencer. I lost that battle every time.

Now, I always try to find a positive in any gig. This was a tough one. We wore sequined green mirror glass vests with green top hats while playing on the upper deck of this ship (which was not one of the most stable rides I have ever been on). What I did GET from this gig was the ability to transpose on sight in any key. I would open up the book to a song in Eb and in 4/4. The leader would then say "oh we do this in F# and in 3/4. She would then count off the tune and we were off and running. Understand that the first two or three weeks on this gig for me were not pretty! But after about a month of this torture, I could have done any tune backwards and upside down while still dressed in my sporty green vest and hat!

Now for the truly funny part. The load in for this gig was pure hell to say the least. You had to do it while the ship was docked and before they started to board folks for the next dinner cruise. You had to back your car down a very narrow driveway with the lake on one side and a solid brick wall on the other. Once you backed in, you were stuck there because there were two other bands playing on the ship as well. It was gridlock at its finest!

You then carried your gear up to the dock and then up a VERY steep gangplank onto the ship. Not too bad for the sax player but an accident waiting to happen for my favorite drummer. Also understand that the dock was a good twenty feet up from the lake! So here he goes, all the drums loaded onto one of those hotel baggage carts, and might I also add, WITHOUT drum cases! Yep, Over they go! Twenty feet down and into the lake!

Fishing them out was a true hoot with all crew members involved. And.. I found out that the bass drum does indeed sink! You should have seen them trying to get that off the bottom of the lake. The best part of all was that I thought his drums actually sounded BETTER! And all this as we opened our gig like we did every night with "The Love Boat" theme song. Gotta love that!!

Happy Gigging!

rp

Bring On The Funny Stories!!

Recently, after something VERY funny happened during a VERY Serious gig, I mean I was laughing my ass off during this very serious gig (and I was not alone) , I started talking with my bandmates about memorable gigs and what made them memorable. After about an hour of trading stories, we decided that playing great, having a great musical experience, burning up a solo, etc. etc. really meant NOTHING! What made a gig truly memorable was the funny crap that happened before, during, and after a gig! THAT was the stuff that memorable music was made of!

As I was telling several of my favorite gig/road stories during our next break, someone said "You really should write this stuff down." I really did not give it much thought until the next day when I was out on my daily run in the woods with my black lab Miles. Now understand, Miles does not do a lot of talking on these runs, so my brain has to do something to pass the time. While running I started thinking about all the funny crap that has happened to me over the past thirty plus years of playing, teaching, and composing (yes even composing) and I started smiling on my run (which never happens) as I started to remember more and more road/gig stories.

If nothing else, I want folks to realize that a musical life really is PFUNNY! The stories range from PG to XX and everything else in between. I won't include dates, band names, musician names, or anything that may point a finger to a "real" person because I still perform and record with some of these cats. They are in random order, and not really ranked in order of funniness (is that even a word).

Hopefully this will make you laugh and give my students a glimpse into what it REALLY is like to make a living as a musician!